Sunday, June 24, 2012

Italy gives England yet another early exit: Balotelli plays full game, still alive
There’s no more repulsive way to settle a soccer match than a penalty shootout, but when Italian striker Alessandro Diamanti drilled that last penalty past Joe Hart and into the net, justice was preserved. Though the Italians abandoned their typical defensive style, they squandered chance after chance while English defenders marveled at Mario Balotelli’s hair. The English attack, on the other hand, failed to make an appearance. Rooney gave validity to his oh-so-cunning Goodison Park nickname, “Fat boy,” trotting about the field like a Telitubby after a truffle. Other than an athletic stick save in the first fifteen minutes, Italian captain, goalkeeper, and part-time superhero Gigi Buffon had little to do but break down English attacks with his eyes. With his omnipotent gaze, Buffon selected the feeblest of the English squad for humiliation in the shootout—the two British players who shared a girl’s name. Both Ashleys, Young and Cole, missed their penalties and affirmed their femininity, and Italy walked into the semifinals where they face a strong German side.
In completely separated news, Mario Balotelli played a full game without earning a red card, a DUI, or a Darwin Award. Whether by his prowess on the pitch or his foolish antics, there is no disputing that this man is an entertainer.

No comments:

Post a Comment